Category:Diary

''You may judge me for not being a -proper- sith. But choices I've made from the point where I've met Darth Argehar and those short lived memories of the time I've spent with him, I will carry deep inside. They are my treasures. Everything I had strength to fight for faded away with him gone.''

''Now that I think back then, last words I shared with my master are fading away. I've been trying to keep his voice in my head, but the more I cling to it, the more it slips away. All I have left are flashing images of things, emotions curved deep into my soul and my mind. I don't know if these sensations make me vulnerable or are suppose to make me stronger, but one thing I'm sure of; I'm not the person I used to be. I'm lost in the dark with no goal or someone to turn to, the very same life I used to lead but now sunk even deeper into the hollow empty space with no bottom to fall to. It's agonizing, mortifying. Each day is the same as the previous; the time is just flying by. You're loosing senses of everything. Food has no taste at all, flowers don't even have colors. Pictures are just mixture of black and white. Is this what it means to be sith? Is this what the dark side feels like or just some mindless fall to the deepest dark emotions one mind can create? I'm not sure how such emotions can provide power to someone, to make them stronger, because I feel weaker. I feel my body is becoming just a shell for my soul, and my soul just drifting trying to relieve itself of a burden. Is this the way to become a Sith Lord, the way all Sith came to be monsters corrupted by the Dark side? Sometimes I wonder if Argehar could have gave me answers to them, if we had the time?''

''I've been haunted by thoughts that I've failed him. I don't sleep anymore, barely eating. The world around me seems like it's crumbling down. I'm beginning to loose myself, beginning to loose control over myself. My desire to exist is clinging on a tread, and each day I regret for not coming along with my master, cause my death would be meaningful. This way, even my life is meaningless.''